Big Brother is Watching You
by Avraham Zuroff
Tuesday, September 28, 2004In 1998, Yad Eliezer's office received word that there was a family in the adjacent Shmuel HaNavi neighborhood that was suffering from hunger. Dov Weisel decided to make a house call. A woman opened the door.
The "apartment" was made from a gap in the stairway landing. "I opened the refrigerator and I found a container of cottage cheese and half a cucumber. I searched in the pantry and wasn't surprised to find it empty. I explained to the woman that we could help her with food." Her response was unexpected.
"I can find my own food; what I need you for is to find a study partner for my son."
"What do you mean?" asked Weisel.
"I came from a well-established family," the woman told her personal story. "I didn't lack a thing. I worked, making a decent living. I wasn't religious. When I decided to become religious, my husband gave me an ultimatum: Either I stop the religion thing, or he'll give me a divorce and kick me out of the house with the kids; all that will remain will be the shirt on my back. He kept his word and I kept mine. I have lived here already for several years and support myself by washing floors. I send my children to cheder. We have bread and margarine to eat. The problem is with my oldest son. Originally, when he was learning alef-bet and Chumash, I could help him. Even with Mishnayos, I was able to review with him by using Kehati's commentary. But now, he is learning Gemara and I don't understand a word of it. There's nobody to take him to daven in shul. My son is already big; he asks questions that I don't know how to answer. I bought myself a Gemara so I could learn with him, but I don't understand anything." The woman showed Weisel a Gemara laden with her tears. Dov Weisel promised to think of a solution and returned to his office.
A few days later, Weisel was off to America for fundraising. On Shabbos, he stayed with wealthy friends and explained Yad Eliezer's scope of activities, including his encounter with the woman and her tear-stained Gemara. On Saturday night, one of the women present approached him and said, "You ruined my Shabbos with the story of that woman's plight. Here's a check for $50,000. Find another $50,000 and start a project for despondent children who have no one to take them to shul or to learn with them." Weisel returned to Israel with $100,000 for the project.
He contacted Talmud Torah principals who told him that there were thousands of children who needed help and could benefit from the project. Weisel jumped in and began. Within a few months, the funds were depleted. Weisel told the mentors that he had no more money for the project. Yad Eliezer's main goal has always been to feed the poor; any additional funding for the Big Brother Project would be at the expense of providing babies with infant formula. Weisel deliberated what to do, and finally decided to ask Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky for advice. "Don't stop," said the sage. "Continue with the project and you'll have abundant help from Heaven in funding it."
"Should I continue financing the project at the expense of providing food for the needy?" asked Weisel.
"Certainly," said Rav Chaim Kanievsky. "One never hears of anyone dying of starvation; but from spiritual starvation, many have perished."
Weisel continued the Big Big Brothers program, without hesitation. He hired Rafi Kugler to spearhead the project, and Rafi searches throughout Israel for dynamic and caring mentors who are willing to participate.
"Aryeh, bring me mentors," pleaded Rafi to Reb Aryeh, now one of Yad Eliezer's charismatic Big Brothers. "If there's hope, we can even get 50 children." It then snowballed from 90 until there were over 150 children who needed a Big Brother. Afterward, 500 children joined the Big Brother Program. Then 900. To date, there are over 1,500 children who participate. [The number is now 3,200.]
"We have to match the Big Brother to the child. There are thousands of children out there who benefit from this program. It's possible that we're the conduits for the child's well-being. It's not just learning Torah; it's buying him tefillin for his bar mitzvah. The Big Brother walks with him. He doesn't feel alone."
How do you get started? How do you break the ice? "People told me that I'd be a good classroom rebbe or Special Ed teacher," says Reb Aryeh. "One of the first things I do with a child under my care is to ask him to make a cup of tea with sugar, for both himself and me. This gives him a feeling of self-worth when I tell him, 'Listen, Aharon, that was some great tea.' It's the small things that make him take notice and grow."
What are your Yad Eliezer kids like? "Regarding one of the kids, I've only spoken with his mother; the father is always 'busy with his own things,' according to the mother. One could define our relationship in very general terms that I am a friend, but not always a friend. Often I'm acting as a father, and sometimes even as a mother. Another boy who I'm helping is very capable; however, he's short and stout, and his classmates made fun of him, lowering his self-esteem. He comes from a difficult home, a product of a second marriage -- in short, many challenges. I found him a school that understands where he is coming from and is willing to advance him without pressure."
Tal Cohen of Ashdod, another Big Brother, was a surrogate father for a boy while the boy's father was in jail for domestic violence. The boy was in first grade and had violent tendencies and severe learning problems. His way of communicating was initially through anger and violence, the only language he knew. With Tal's help, the boy eventually opened up. At the school year's end, after many sessions with Tal, there was a marked improvement. "I'm happy that he is going away because he is going by himself -- independently," said Tal.
